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// Boobies. / - casual synchronicity — LiveJournal
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aaangyl
aaangyl
YES WE CAN HAS!
Wed, Apr. 30th, 2008 04:51 pm
// Boobies. /

39CommentReply

aaangyl
aaangyl
YES WE CAN HAS!
Thu, May. 1st, 2008 07:38 am (UTC)


Doing this again and again, and you'll eventually wind up with some "safe people", who are, as far as you can tell, honest and accurate about reporting their internal experiences of their encounters with and observations of you, whom you've nurtured a relationship with by listening to what they have to say, appreciating it even if you don't agree with it, and conversing with them to understand them. You might have to go through the attempts a WHOLE LOT of times to find these people, and I'm afraid I can't think of a way to describe how to know you've found them. Maybe someone else has found a way to articulate it somewhere out there. I like to call this "a friend" or "a good friend", but those terms come loaded with such different ideas that instead I'm describing the role. It is a person that you can both be imperfect with each other, and that's ok, because you've developed a history of being imperfect in front of each other and you're both still there and trying to help each other grow. You'll often find that these people have that sort of relationship with their OTHER friends too, because THAT'S HOW THEY RELATE to people. That's really important in verifying a real safe person. They're not just safe for you, they're safe for all the people they care about, they carry a consistency in their communication. They're "authentic". And you don't find them by performing, you find them by being authentic yourself, and then what they're drawn to isn't some facade that you need to constantly remember the rules of, it's something that's naturally coming out of you. Refer to what you mentioned having more success when you weren't obsessing over trying to make people like you, but felt more "in your element". Right there in your own language I think we can both see that you get a lot more value out of such encounters. Maybe they're worth favoring, and even worth a series of fails to come by?

I think this comment is too big now, and I need to quit for the night too. I sincerely hope there's been something helpful in all this for you, 'cuz I'm exhausted! ^_^


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aaangyl
aaangyl
YES WE CAN HAS!
Fri, May. 2nd, 2008 12:43 am (UTC)

You can email my LJ address (on my profile)! I appear to be going out to sushi tonight, but I can prolly respond tomorrow!


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